An Open Letter to Sports Fans

Dear Twins and Vikings fans (especially the ones over 30):

When you come to my bar, pre and post game, please act your age. This is not a kindergarden playground. You may NOT climb on the pool tables. You may NOT stand on the bar stools. Please do NOT take your beer to your car. You can NOT take your cocktail to the game (this is NOT Wisconsin). Do NOT play "drums" on my servers asses (as lovely as said asses are, they are not yours for the drumming). Do NOT get pissy with my staff if you don't have valid ID. I don't care if you're 22, 28, 36, or 106: BRING YOUR FUCKING ID TO THE BAR. Do NOT grab my arm and demand a drink. I am the manager, and would be more than happy to find your server. Do NOT whine about our "game day" menu. If we are going to serve 200 - 500 people food within a 2 hour time frame, we NEED a limited menu. And if I hear you whine one more time about a $4 MGD, go back to your $250,000 house in the suburbs and watch the fucking game on your $1,500 plasma tv.

Oh, and wash that godawful stupid team color makeup off your face while you're at it.

Whew.

Love,
Someone who wants you to have a nice time at the bar.